My tidings with reading and watching stories began at a very young age,
Gradually developed a penchant for cinema when I learnt the art of critical gauge.
Appreciating the art, its forms, contents and styles all floating in my dreams,
Lack of a community space for it fostered frustrated ambitions and silent screams.
Fighting the big-bad-world, hoping to find firm grounds on which I can run,
Lacking opportunities, initiative, and self-esteem added to my inherent confusion.
Still struggling in college, I became the film-club convenor and initiated the culture,
Charging it to be non-academic and frivolous, the authorities attacked like vultures.
My friends saw in me what I could not, they had faith in me when I had none,
Their encouraging support made me see in the dead-dark night the rays of the sun.
Film festivals and cultural ado got me thinking about my capacity at organizing one,
My search replenished and landed me at the doorstep of The YP Foundation.
The Butterfly Project – this peculiar name of its film division caught my attention,
Based on the butterfly effect philosophy - massive changes brought about by smallest actions.
Static broken columns of sunlight on stagnant waters suddenly started moving,
Everything fell into perspective, in the head it all started ringing.
To create a democratic space between filmmakers and their audience,
To generate respect for films as an end in itself, in all its forms of existence.
To show how films can both be entertaining and educative, of delight and utility,
Being a powerful agent of conveying issues about individuals and society.
Of all the places, YP gives me the creative liberty for alternative creations,
Through film festivals, monthly/coffee - house screenings, workshops and discussions.
Jumping in the pool to learn swimming, embarking on a viewer-to-doer flight,
My festivals at South-Asian and National levels blossomed me from cocoon to butterfly.
My projects’ name is an apt one,
And this journey has just begun……!!!!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Let not this desire die.....
T: There is just so much to say but all over there is still darkness, silence and solitude. Walls have ears, i have heard, but any kind of audio-verbal barter is prohibited. Who should i tell? I am tired listening to my mind's voice each time, and because of that all our deepest desires and longings remains buried.
S: This heart, despite the buried desires still dreams, that is its greatest achievement, that is what makes life worthwhile my friend.
T: Is this called living life? Wingless bird, how will i fly? In dreams can I escape, run away..far...ever so far; so many wishes, so many thoughts, life is short but desires are oceanic. I keep searching for the boat to cross this sea of a life; and then hopeless when i fall dizzy like you feel after being on a swirling and spinning ride, i stare around blankly but everything seems to be getting mixed up, fading away into the horizon beyond my reach.
S: Friend, you view life through drunken eyes, we exaggerate and eulogize our dreams so much that petite happiness gets lost somewhere; our desires are so many but how little is our capacity. Your looking at the sea is futile, I see tides in that, they go away with the promise of their return, I am drunk in that hope friend, my life is short but hopes are one basket full....
T: It is that hope-filled basket with which is built the house where I reside friend, I know the tides will come and shatter everything down to shambles, still incessant are my efforts, i again make my hope-filled hamlet. It is true, our petite happiness get lost in the constellation of our dreams, but the dreams in these little eyes are immense, their leash is not in my hands. Around me, everybody's dreams materialize, then why not mine? Where is my fault? I will not curse my destiny, but directionless I retract into that world of dreams.
S: If desires were fulfilled then it won't remain desires anymore, one gets fulfilled and another comes up. The one who writes her own destiny, is today strumming the notes of depression? Of all, her desires are the greatest, because they are not enmeshed in the dirt of reality. Friend, you are the queen of all our dreams.
T: Hahahaha...don't elevate me so high that when i fall even the memory won't remain, like water i will mix and get lost in life's mud. These dreams breathe life into my soul. To get kissed by the fresh, fragrance-filled morning air when i open the windows do i sleep the night before under covers to wade off the embracing darkness surrounding me. Me...a queen..hah.. am just a roadside vagrant begging for one piece of moon. Is that too much to ask for? Depression stands at every corner, junction and turnings to take control of my senses. My soul has dried up, laughter and tears refuse to burst out; with pale eyes I stare blankly. Oh dear friend, there is just no end to this yearning, to these desires.
S: I repeat, these longings and desires are our biggest gain. No matter how much depression strikes, this desiring should never get erased, it should never die.
T: Friend, in this journey of life don't ever get lost, you are the reason why I am alive, i am relegated to an extreme solitary confinement, a wayward, directionless sailor.
S: I will sail your life's boat through friend .. forever and for always. Many will come, many will go, even if you get angry with me, i will never desert you.
T: That is why i love you incomprehensibly and so i cannot bear when you look through me as if i do not exist, as if an apparition standing before you. Your attitude at times cuts through like a dagger in my chest. I want to hug you and howl and shriek, whine and smile. You are my life, I get really angry at times but where will I go with all that pent-up wrath and frustration? People change over time, whether that is a good thing or bad I cannot decipher... am just flowing with the stream of life.
S: Friend, no matter how angry you get with me, the fact remains and is known very well by you that i was, am and will be with you for all times to keep. The two of us are petals of the same bud, entwined forever. Love you. :)
S: This heart, despite the buried desires still dreams, that is its greatest achievement, that is what makes life worthwhile my friend.
T: Is this called living life? Wingless bird, how will i fly? In dreams can I escape, run away..far...ever so far; so many wishes, so many thoughts, life is short but desires are oceanic. I keep searching for the boat to cross this sea of a life; and then hopeless when i fall dizzy like you feel after being on a swirling and spinning ride, i stare around blankly but everything seems to be getting mixed up, fading away into the horizon beyond my reach.
S: Friend, you view life through drunken eyes, we exaggerate and eulogize our dreams so much that petite happiness gets lost somewhere; our desires are so many but how little is our capacity. Your looking at the sea is futile, I see tides in that, they go away with the promise of their return, I am drunk in that hope friend, my life is short but hopes are one basket full....
T: It is that hope-filled basket with which is built the house where I reside friend, I know the tides will come and shatter everything down to shambles, still incessant are my efforts, i again make my hope-filled hamlet. It is true, our petite happiness get lost in the constellation of our dreams, but the dreams in these little eyes are immense, their leash is not in my hands. Around me, everybody's dreams materialize, then why not mine? Where is my fault? I will not curse my destiny, but directionless I retract into that world of dreams.
S: If desires were fulfilled then it won't remain desires anymore, one gets fulfilled and another comes up. The one who writes her own destiny, is today strumming the notes of depression? Of all, her desires are the greatest, because they are not enmeshed in the dirt of reality. Friend, you are the queen of all our dreams.
T: Hahahaha...don't elevate me so high that when i fall even the memory won't remain, like water i will mix and get lost in life's mud. These dreams breathe life into my soul. To get kissed by the fresh, fragrance-filled morning air when i open the windows do i sleep the night before under covers to wade off the embracing darkness surrounding me. Me...a queen..hah.. am just a roadside vagrant begging for one piece of moon. Is that too much to ask for? Depression stands at every corner, junction and turnings to take control of my senses. My soul has dried up, laughter and tears refuse to burst out; with pale eyes I stare blankly. Oh dear friend, there is just no end to this yearning, to these desires.
S: I repeat, these longings and desires are our biggest gain. No matter how much depression strikes, this desiring should never get erased, it should never die.
T: Friend, in this journey of life don't ever get lost, you are the reason why I am alive, i am relegated to an extreme solitary confinement, a wayward, directionless sailor.
S: I will sail your life's boat through friend .. forever and for always. Many will come, many will go, even if you get angry with me, i will never desert you.
T: That is why i love you incomprehensibly and so i cannot bear when you look through me as if i do not exist, as if an apparition standing before you. Your attitude at times cuts through like a dagger in my chest. I want to hug you and howl and shriek, whine and smile. You are my life, I get really angry at times but where will I go with all that pent-up wrath and frustration? People change over time, whether that is a good thing or bad I cannot decipher... am just flowing with the stream of life.
S: Friend, no matter how angry you get with me, the fact remains and is known very well by you that i was, am and will be with you for all times to keep. The two of us are petals of the same bud, entwined forever. Love you. :)
Haariye na jaye ei shur...
T: Kotho kichu bollar ache, kintu charidike ondhokaar aar ekanto. Dewal e der kaan hoye, shunechi, kintu kono rokum er aadaan-prodaan nished; kaake boli? Nijer moner aawaaj aar shunte bhalo lagena, shei jonne shob mon-praan er ichcha debe hoye jaye shesh.
S: Ei mon eto debe thaaka ichche shotteo je shopno dekhche, shetai tar shobcher boro paoa, sheta tei taar baacha sharthak bondhu.
T: Ei baacha ta o ki kono baacha holo? Daana kata paakhi , udbo ki kore ? Shopno te ee je aami paalate paari, koto ki chaai, koto ki bhabhi, jibon ta je chhoto kintu ichcha bishaal. Jibon er ei shomudro ta paar korbar nouka khuje berai, tar por hotash hoye maatha ghure jokhun dhum kore pori, chokh duto daib daib kore khule dekhi chaari deeke, kintu shob kichu jaimon ekta kothao guliye jachche…..
S: Bondhu tumi jibon ke neshaar chokhe daikho, amra shopno ke eto bishaal kori, je chhoto chhoto khushi gulo taate hariye jae, amader chaoa ta eto beshi, kintu khomota koto tuku? Tumi shomudro e onasha e daikho; aami tate dheu dekhi, taara chole jae, kintu abar ashar kotha diye, aami shei ashatei matal bondhu, amar jibon chhoto, kintu amar asha ek jhuri bhora…….
T: Shei ashaar jhurir toh bari baniye thaaki tar moddhe bondhu, jani dheu eshe shob bheste debe, tao chestar shesh nei, abar banayi ashar kuti. Eta theek, chhoto chhoto khushi hariye jaye shopner taramondol e, kintu ei duti chhoto chok e je shopno bishaal, sheta je amar baush e nei bondhu, joto ee chesta kori, pere aar uthte paari na. Ashe pashe shobaikar shopno purno hoe, tahole amar keno noe ? Amar dosh ta kothae ? Bhagyo ke koshbona, kintu upaayheen palaee shei shopner duniya e...
S: Asha jodi purno hoe jeto, tahole shey aar asha hoto na, ek asha purno hole aar ek asha jaage. Nijer bhagyo je nije lekhe shei bondhu aaj hotashar shur taanche? Taar asha gulo je shobaar che boro, karon taar asha bastobikotar nongramo te maakha noe. Bondhu tumi je amader shopner raani……
T: Hahahahaha eto ta tulo naa amake je porle kono shriti o thakbena, jol er moton mishe hariye jaabo maatir moddhe. Shei shopno je amar shorir e rokt-er moton ; bhor bailar je shugandhit, porishkar thanda hawa jaanla khulle gaale chumbon dei, sheta roj shokaal e paoar jonne je raat e chador chapiye shuee ghurghutte ondhokaar e. Aami aar rani.. hah.. raastar bhikiri.. ek tukro chaand er asha e bhikke cheye berai. Hotashota je proti muhurte dariye thaake amake baush e korar jonne. Bhetor ta shukiye gaiche, na paye haanshi, na paye kaanna. Phail phail kore cheye thaaki. Ei chaoar je kono shesh nei bondhu…
S: Abar boli, ei chaoatai amader shobcheyer boro paona. Jotoi hotasha hok, ei chaoa ta jaino muchhe naa jaye.
T: Bondhu jibon er ei poth e kokhuno hariye jeo na, tumi je amar bachaar karon, aami boddo eka, poth harano maajhi.
S: Tomar paar aami korabo bondhu chirokaal. Oneke ashbe, oneke jaabe, tumi amar theke rege gaile o tomake aami charchina. :)
T: :) Shei jonne toh nijer theke beshi bhalobaashi tomake, shojjo hoe na jokhun tumi o amake dekhe obohaila kauro. Tomake joriye mon bhore kaandte chaai, aar mon khule haanshte chaai, tomar moddhe je amar praan aatke, raag ashe khub kintu shei raag niye jaabo kothaay. Shomoy er shaathe maanush paalte jae, sheta bhalo naa kharaap bujhe uthte paari na, jibon er sroth er shaathe boye chole jayi shhudhu.
S: Bondhu joto ee raag kauro, aami je tomar shaathe aachi sheta tumi jaano khub bhalo kore. Onek bhalobasha :)
S: Ei mon eto debe thaaka ichche shotteo je shopno dekhche, shetai tar shobcher boro paoa, sheta tei taar baacha sharthak bondhu.
T: Ei baacha ta o ki kono baacha holo? Daana kata paakhi , udbo ki kore ? Shopno te ee je aami paalate paari, koto ki chaai, koto ki bhabhi, jibon ta je chhoto kintu ichcha bishaal. Jibon er ei shomudro ta paar korbar nouka khuje berai, tar por hotash hoye maatha ghure jokhun dhum kore pori, chokh duto daib daib kore khule dekhi chaari deeke, kintu shob kichu jaimon ekta kothao guliye jachche…..
S: Bondhu tumi jibon ke neshaar chokhe daikho, amra shopno ke eto bishaal kori, je chhoto chhoto khushi gulo taate hariye jae, amader chaoa ta eto beshi, kintu khomota koto tuku? Tumi shomudro e onasha e daikho; aami tate dheu dekhi, taara chole jae, kintu abar ashar kotha diye, aami shei ashatei matal bondhu, amar jibon chhoto, kintu amar asha ek jhuri bhora…….
T: Shei ashaar jhurir toh bari baniye thaaki tar moddhe bondhu, jani dheu eshe shob bheste debe, tao chestar shesh nei, abar banayi ashar kuti. Eta theek, chhoto chhoto khushi hariye jaye shopner taramondol e, kintu ei duti chhoto chok e je shopno bishaal, sheta je amar baush e nei bondhu, joto ee chesta kori, pere aar uthte paari na. Ashe pashe shobaikar shopno purno hoe, tahole amar keno noe ? Amar dosh ta kothae ? Bhagyo ke koshbona, kintu upaayheen palaee shei shopner duniya e...
S: Asha jodi purno hoe jeto, tahole shey aar asha hoto na, ek asha purno hole aar ek asha jaage. Nijer bhagyo je nije lekhe shei bondhu aaj hotashar shur taanche? Taar asha gulo je shobaar che boro, karon taar asha bastobikotar nongramo te maakha noe. Bondhu tumi je amader shopner raani……
T: Hahahahaha eto ta tulo naa amake je porle kono shriti o thakbena, jol er moton mishe hariye jaabo maatir moddhe. Shei shopno je amar shorir e rokt-er moton ; bhor bailar je shugandhit, porishkar thanda hawa jaanla khulle gaale chumbon dei, sheta roj shokaal e paoar jonne je raat e chador chapiye shuee ghurghutte ondhokaar e. Aami aar rani.. hah.. raastar bhikiri.. ek tukro chaand er asha e bhikke cheye berai. Hotashota je proti muhurte dariye thaake amake baush e korar jonne. Bhetor ta shukiye gaiche, na paye haanshi, na paye kaanna. Phail phail kore cheye thaaki. Ei chaoar je kono shesh nei bondhu…
S: Abar boli, ei chaoatai amader shobcheyer boro paona. Jotoi hotasha hok, ei chaoa ta jaino muchhe naa jaye.
T: Bondhu jibon er ei poth e kokhuno hariye jeo na, tumi je amar bachaar karon, aami boddo eka, poth harano maajhi.
S: Tomar paar aami korabo bondhu chirokaal. Oneke ashbe, oneke jaabe, tumi amar theke rege gaile o tomake aami charchina. :)
T: :) Shei jonne toh nijer theke beshi bhalobaashi tomake, shojjo hoe na jokhun tumi o amake dekhe obohaila kauro. Tomake joriye mon bhore kaandte chaai, aar mon khule haanshte chaai, tomar moddhe je amar praan aatke, raag ashe khub kintu shei raag niye jaabo kothaay. Shomoy er shaathe maanush paalte jae, sheta bhalo naa kharaap bujhe uthte paari na, jibon er sroth er shaathe boye chole jayi shhudhu.
S: Bondhu joto ee raag kauro, aami je tomar shaathe aachi sheta tumi jaano khub bhalo kore. Onek bhalobasha :)
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